I have been doing excellent staying on my food plan and getting in my cardio for the last two weeks and the results are in. I am feeling better, sleeping better and I can already see improvements in my endurance but I still find myself feeling discouraged this morning. I did not lose any weight. Granted I know I have a crumby scale and I could replace it but I think that would not change the fact that I did not see a loss. I also know it is not a great thing to obsess about the scale and the numbers but it is so hard not to. Progress can be measured many ways and I have seen an improvement but as an obese person those numbers mean quite a lot. Every pound is tied to how others perceive you. I look fat and lazy and I am not. I look like I graze on bon-bons and I do not. I know that we can not control the assumptions others make about us but it still is a challenge for me to not connect my self image to the way society see me. This is my struggle on top of trying to make real and lasting changes which honestly is enough of a challenge. I want to be strong and to be seen as strong. I want transformation. I want BIG change. I want others to see the changes and I want them to cheer me on and be inspired by it.
It makes no sense to me why I have not seen my weight budge. It makes no sense to me why I care what others think. I need to just have a little more faith in myself and in the process. I need to focus on what it working and the positives.
So for today, the good news is that I really love my Vibram FiveFingers! I have always had a love/hate relationship with running shoes because they never fit my feet well. I have a wide foot and a narrow heel so I have had more than my fair share of blisters from heel slip. I also really love how well I can feel the ground beneath my feet. Grass, gravel, cement... whatever the surface I can feel it. I also like that I do not have the tendency to overpronate like I do in running shoes. It used to be I would walk along a slanted curb and I could twist my ankle in a flash. With the Vibram FiveFingers I have a much better sense of the surface of the ground and I no longer have to think about it, my ankles and feet compensate for the uneven terrain. Although I have mostly been walking to get started I am look forward to actually getting started with running.
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